Congratulations! You’re officially part of the world’s most life-altering, sleep-deprived, bodily-fluid-covered, heart-exploding club: Parenthood. 

Nothing - absolutely nothing - fully prepares you for it. You can read the books, watch the videos, memorise the checklists and still feel like you’ve been dropped into the Amazon rainforest without a map, possibly in your underwear, holding a tiny, squishy, screaming package that forgot its instruction manual. 

Welcome to the jungle, Dad (Mums are welcome here too, but this one is primarily directed at dads). Forget the clichés about “banking sleep”. What you really need is a field-tested survival guide on how to navigate this massive identity and lifestyle shift whilst preserving your relationship. All without losing your marbles. This isn’t just about supporting Mum (though that’s huge), it’s about finding your place in this wild new world. 

1. Brace for Impact - The Fourth Trimester Fog is Real 

Those first three months after the baby arrives are often called the “fourth trimester”. It’s intense. Your newborn is still figuring out they’re not inside Mum anymore. Life becomes an endless loop of feeding, burping, changing, soothing, and maybe a sliver of sleep. Routine? Nope. Plans? Forget it. You’re living one hour at a time in a chaotic Groundhog Day. 

• Hormonal Havoc (For Everyone) - You know Mum’s hormones are going wild post-birth. But guess what? Dads get hormonal shifts, too! Testosterone can drop, making you more nurturing, sensitive, stressed, or moody. Feeling overwhelmed or anxious isn’t just exhaustion either. It could be your physiology adapting. Keep an eye out for signs of Postnatal Depression or Anxiety (PND/PPA) in both of you (it affects around 1 in 10 dads [Better Health - Vic, Australia, 2024]). It’s not weakness. It’s biology. Don’t tough it out in silence - talk to your GP, a mate, or family. 
• Noise & Overwhelm - Constant crying and minimal sleep can push anyone to the edge. It’s okay to need a break. Have a ‘tap out’ plan with your partner - a word or signal when you need five minutes to walk away, breathe, or maybe just put on noise-cancelling headphones before frustration boils over. Put the baby in a safe spot (cot, bassinet), take your five, and reset. 

2. Your Role - The Rockstar’s Roadie 

Let’s get something straight: When your newborn arrives, they will likely be glued to Māmā like a koala to a tree. Totally normal. It’s not personal, it’s primal. 

But here’s the kicker: you are crucial, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Think of yourself as the band’s roadie. The world’s obsessed with the lead singer (Māmā), but without you setting the stage, tuning the guitars, handling the chaos and handing out the water bottles (and snacks, and nappies), the whole show collapses. 

Your role = Unsung hero. 

Your mission? 

Stay close. Stay helpful. Stay caffeinated. 

3. Dad Mode Activated 

Feeling clueless? Awkward? Like you need a manual you never got? Welcome to the club, mate. Every dad starts exactly where you are. 

The only way to get confident is to dive right in: 

• Household Quartermaster - Own the household logistics. Groceries, laundry, dishes, bottle washing, emptying the nappy bin... If it’s boring or looks gross, it’s your time to shine! Just do it. 
• Tactical Pack Leader - Heading out? Ensure supplies are primed! Nappies? Check. Wipes? Check. 2x Change of clothes (for baby, māmā and you)? Double check. Trust me on the double. Be the one who realises you’re out of wipes before it’s a crisis. 
• Fuel Master - Keep Māmā fed and watered like she’s a prize orchid - especially if breastfeeding. Snacks + hydration = better milk supply and better moods. Think simple meals: heat & eat options, frozen dinners, meal kits. Bonus points if it’s easy to eat one-handed! Ask family to bring meals instead of gifts. 
• Chief Memory Officer - Take photos and videos. Of everything. Even the ugly-cry days. Future you will thank you, possibly through nostalgic tears.
• Mental Load Mercenary - This is huge. It’s not just doing stuff, it’s thinking about stuff. Anticipate needs. Track supplies, book appointments, and sterilise bottles. Use a shared calendar or list. Taking this off your partner’s plate is relationship gold. “See a need, fill a need”. 

Remember, some days you’ll mess it up. You might forget the wipes. You might cry right alongside your newborn at 3 AM. It happens, and it’s fine. Every moment you show up counts. 

4. Getting Stuck In: Finding Your Dad Groove 

There’s no training montage for fatherhood. You get good at this the old-fashioned way: by doing it badly until you do it better - and the sooner you jump in, the sooner you’ll find your groove. 

Change nappies (you might put one on backwards - it’s fine!), give baths/showers (amazing bonding time!), rock the baby, figure out the swaddle. Your involvement is important. 

Make time for skin-to-skin contact. It isn’t just for mums. Get your shirt off, cuddle your baby on your bare chest, let them hear your heartbeat. It regulates their temperature, calms them, builds your bond and calms you down too. 

Find your own unique ways to soothe your baby. Maybe it’s a specific way you hold them, a particular song (even if sung badly), or walking them in a carrier. Talk, sing, read - they love your voice, even if you’re just reading the rugby scores. Make eye contact, it releases bonding hormones. 

Remember that bonding takes time. Don’t stress if you don’t feel an instant ‘movie moment’ connection. For many dads, that deep bond builds gradually through the daily grind, the nappy changes, the skin-to-skin, the bath times, the late-night rocking. It might take until they start smiling back (around 6-8 weeks) or even later. Trust the process, every interaction builds that connection. 

5. Team You: Keeping Your Relationship Afloat 

Before the baby, it was just the two of you. Now it’s you, your partner... and a tiny boss who screams if you close a door wrong. 

It’s easy to lose each other in the blur, but your relationship needs care too (maybe more than ever). Intimacy isn’t dead - it’s just on the backbench right now. 

• Communicate Like Your Sanity Depends On It (It Does) - You can’t read minds, especially at 2 AM. Assumptions lead to arguments. Talk about expectations. Check in daily, even for five minutes. Write/text handover notes so you’re on the same page. Express needs calmly: “I’m feeling drained, can you take over?”. Actively listen without getting defensive. 
• Tiny Acts of Service = Massive Wins - Right now, love looks like doing a chore without being asked, making her a snack plate while she’s feeding, saying “you’re doing amazing”, when everything feels like a dumpster fire. These small acts are like watering your relationship garden - do it now, so it can bloom later. Say thank you often, even for small things. 
• Find Small Connection Moments - A hug, a shared laugh over a nappy explosion, a quick “thanks”. Connection is built in these tiny, mundane, beautiful moments. Maybe try a “stay-at-home date” after baby’s asleep. Remember you’re partners first. 

6. Survival Tactic: You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup 

You’re the engine that keeps the family machine running - and engines need maintenance. 

This isn’t about bubble baths (though, hey, no judgment). 

It’s about staying fuelled enough to show up, day after day. 

Prioritise rest whenever you possibly can. Quiet time when the baby naps if feasible, even if it means letting chores slide. Keep yourself fuelled and hydrated, aiming for something vaguely ‘vegetable-like’ occasionally (chips don’t count!) and drinking plenty of water. Make an effort to get outside daily and touch grass, even if it’s just a five-minute zombie shuffle around the block with the baby strapped to your chest - fresh air and movement work wonders. A hot shower can feel like a luxury spa treatment some days. 

Fatherhood can also feel isolating, so stay connected. Keep in touch with mates, even if it’s just a quick text or voice note. Finding other dads who ‘get it’ can be a massive help. Your support system matters too. And when you return to work, guard your “yes”. Expect performance dips initially and don’t overcompensate by taking on too much - the burnout is real. It’s okay to protect your bandwidth. 

7. It’s Just a Season (Even When It Feels Never-Ending) 

There will be nights… knee-deep in nappies, reflux and your third attempt at reheating the same coffee, where you feel like you’re drowning. 

Like you’re failing. Like you’re not enough. 

• Breathe. 
• You’re not failing. 
• You’re not broken. 
• You’re a brand-new parent, raising a brand-new human. Of course, it’s messy. 
  

This is a season. It’s brutal, beautiful, and temporary. It feels endless now, but one day you’ll look back and realise it passed in a blink. Cut yourself some slack. There’s no prize for “most exhausted” or “most stressed.” Celebrate the small wins: 

• Baby burped? Win. 
• Managed a shower? Victory. 
• Didn’t burn dinner and remembered spare nappies? Legendary status. 

And when those first smiles come… 

When they belly laugh at your terrible jokes... 

When they look up and say “Da-da” with a grin that splits your heart wide open... 

That’s your paycheck. 

And mate, it’s worth every second of the chaos. 

Final Words of Wisdom 

Stay close. Stay kind. Stay caffeinated. 

You don’t need to be a perfect dad. You just need to be a present one. 

Show up. Share the load. Laugh when you can. Cry when you need to. Find the tiny moments of joy hiding inside the chaos. 

You’re part of a team, and you’re doing better than you think. You are enough, mate. Not perfect - but present. 

And that’s exactly what your kid needs. 

Once they are grown, they won’t remember whether the house was clean, or whether you knew how to swaddle like a pro. They’ll remember the cuddles, The silly songs, The way you loved them, fiercely, messily, completely. 

You’re their hero, simply because you showed up. You’ve got this. 

And if all else fails? When in doubt: baby-wear and walk it out. 

See you in the trenches, 

Logan (AKA KiwiDad).